I speak the advice a wise old friend gave me when I started to let my “thoughts” get the best of me.
Expect the worst and you will get the worst.
To solve the mystery behind your own self-sabotaging behavior, you will need to allocate some time to reviewing the past. In short, awareness is key. While others can point out your habitual patterns to you, the greatest moment of awakening happens when you can see things clearly for yourself.
To shine light, you need to identify past self-sabotage behavior and childhood issues that have previously caused you massive energy disruption. From there you can identify the common link between the behavior and your childhood issues in order to spot the repeating pattern.
21 Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
Starting with the present… check to see if any of the common self-sabotage behavior below consistently applies to you.
1. Always running away from problems.
2. Have unrealistic expectations.
3. Paralysis over fear in making mistakes.
4. Cannot complete projects.
5. Fear in taking risks.
6. Worrying constantly.
8. Inability to say no to others.
9. Addictions like smoking, drinking and taking drugs.
10. Inability to think critically.
11. Denial of mistakes.
12. Practice self-judgment or judging others.
13. Take on too many tasks or projects.
14. Inability to cope with stress.
15. Always complaining about life, people and perceived ill fortune.
16. Poor eating habits.
17. No time or too lazy to exercise.
18. Poor mental attitude
19. Inability to focus.
20. Act on impulse.
21. Betray own values.
5 Major Recurring Life Patterns
Next, check to see if any of the 5 major life patterns can possibly be related.
This is like the mother of all patterns. Abandonment issues can cause you tremendous upheaval in your adult life. Your feelings of being intrinsically unlovable cut deep. If you were abandoned as a child, you are likely to abandon yourself or your own values as an adult.
You find that you often bail out on yourself. So long as you experience the slightest of discomfort, you chicken out. You have difficulty completing projects. You cannot stay on task.
You also tend to be involved in relationships that will leave you feeling abandoned. Because the feeling of abandonment is psychological to begin with, you have a tendency to project your fears onto your partner; which eventually becomes a reality. He or she abandons you for another.
This is a pattern that I seem to hear often. The sense of rejection can hurt to the core when you have not been given the warm welcome that you needed as a baby. It happens when you are told that you should never have been born or have always been compared to your sibling.
You would rather blend with the wall in social settings. You undermine your own confidence. You have got poor mental attitude. And you unconsciously attract situations that have you believe that you are being rejected. It boils down to “I am not good enough”. Psychologically, you take all signs of rejection as if it is the end of the world.
If you were abused previously and have unresolved childhood issues, you are likely to inflict more abuse on yourself. Unfortunately self-abuse is going to sabotage any chance of success or well-being. You are more likely to be critical and put yourself down constantly.
You perpetuate the pattern of abuse as an adult. You probably have poor eating habits, do not respect your own body or engage in addictive behavior such as alcohol, smoke or sex. You also tend to attract abusive people and often perceive that you have been treated shabbily (which may or may not be truly the case).
You may or may not be born in poverty. The real issue is that you have grown up believing in scarcity all your life. And so, you become miserly with life. You withhold your own needs, placing them as last in priority. In extreme cases, you neglect yourself all together.
Scarcity is a theme that plays often in your life. You seldom feel as if you have enough. Your actions resonate lack , as a result. Inadvertently, you develop a tendency to compare yourself with others. Even if you have got more than enough to spare, you are afraid to share. It is difficult for you to receive any praise, compliment, or gifts of any kind. By virtue of the law of attraction, because you are vibrating “not having”, you are attracting more of “not having”.
Being a perfectionist can lead to many different types of self-sabotage behavior; such as procrastination, constant worrying, inability to complete projects, obsessions over minor details and so on. It can possibly happen because you have got parents who are critical of your mistakes and have high expectations of you. Click to learn more about overcoming perfectionism here.
Break Free From Patterns
There can be more than one pattern that you have adopted. Your past experiences have had a huge subconscious impact on your current behavior. So long as you have felt affected by them deeply, you are likely to have developed ingrained beliefs that cause on-going subversion to well-being and success. Major life areas can be affected adversely.
Reviewing your past is not meant to put you in further pain but to create awareness in how you have been sabotaging yourself as an adult. You need awareness to break free from limiting life patterns.
Identifying the different aspects of ourselves helps us to focus on the true forces within ourselves. By focusing our attention to possible inner issues that affect our behavior we can begin to change those thought patterns. We create our own reality and are responsible for the change in it as well.
Just some ideas to think about for now. Some further reading below.
Main article source: Evelyn Lim from her upcoming book on self-love.